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Friday, August 16, 2019

Believe in Yourself! You’re Worth it! by Stuart Goldsmith

Believe in Yourself! You’re Worth it! by Stuart Goldsmith

Stuart Goldsmith
 Stuart Goldsmith
Belief is the first and most important secret of happiness and success.
How much do you believe in yourself? How much do you think that other people or circumstances control your life?
Right now, at this very moment, you are reading this sentence at a certain stage in your life. Think about your life for a minute or two.
Think about the financial side, for a start. How well off are you? Take a look around you at your possessions; think about your bank balance and savings account (if you have either), think about your total wealth.
Now do a little exercise: On a piece of paper, add up your total wealth, (this can be done in a very short period of time).
Do it roughly; there's no need to be exact. Write down your big assets first, with an approximate price next to them, then your most expensive possessions, then the approximate value of your other possessions.
The result could look something like this:
House (less mortgage owing) £25,000 Car £1,000 Total savings £2,500 T.V. £200 Video £300 Jewellery £1,000 Household equipment (cooker etc) £2,000 HI-FI £200 Other household items £3,000 All furniture £5,000 Clothes £2,500
TOTAL £42,700
You may think that the person in the above example is rich, or poor, depending upon your own circumstances. That doesn't matter; just write down your own figures and add them up.
Please don't skip this exercise or any of the others which I suggest; they are a vital part of your training. I know the temptation is just to carry on reading; but fight it! Take time out to do the exercises; they will pay huge dividends.
Now look at your total. How do you feel about your total financial worth? Are you happy or unhappy about it at this stage of your life?
The chances are that you would like to do better; probably a lot better.
Now I want you to try something: Imagine being in a better financial position. Strongly visualise yourself driving the car you really want or living in the house you have always desired; spend a little time over this until you can really imagine yourself in this better position.
Now ask yourself a vital question:- "Do I believe that I am worth this?" Ask yourself this question now. Think about it for as long as it takes to come up with an answer; (and that can be a surprisingly long time for such a simple question).
Think about the house or the room(s) where you live. The chances are that you want a better place to live, I have never met anyone who didn't; so think about the next step up for you.
If you live in one room, imagine your own self-contained flat.
If you live in a flat, or a semi, imagine that you are in your own detached house.
If you live in a detached house, think about a larger one with more rooms in a more exclusive area. Hold the image in your mind and ask yourself, "Am I worth it? Do I deserve this?"
Don't be distracted by practical considerations of how you might achieve this step forward, just ask yourself if you believe that you deserve it.
If the answer is an emphatic "YES!" then great; you are well on your way to achieving more. If the answer comes back as "NO" or you are unsure, then join the club of millions of people who have not yet started to believe in themselves. Right now you are totally trapped by your lack of belief. No wonder you don't have the things you want - like a nicer place to live. You don't believe that you are worth it!
Until you start believing in your own worth, there is not a single chance in ten thousand that you will ever achieve the happiness you really deserve. Why? Because no matter how hard your conscious self works towards achieving these things, your subconscious knows that you are not worth it! Your subconscious will go to great lengths to sabotage all your efforts and ensure failure - your conscious and subconscious minds will not be working as a team!
In fact they will be pulling in opposite directions, like a tug of war. Unlike most tug of wars, where the teams are evenly balanced, in this case the odds are highly uneven because the subconscious ALWAYS WINS...unless you use the correct methods.
What will happen if your conscious mind is trying to improve your lot in life, but your subconscious mind is working, like an underground resistance organisation, to foil your plans?
I'll tell you. Your best laid plans and efforts will 'accidentally' come to grief. You will make silly mistakes which will ensure failure. You will have a terrible run of 'bad luck', or maybe sudden ill-health will prevent you from attending a vital meeting, or going on holiday, or something else which is important to you.
In short, your subconscious mind will try every trick going to ensure that your efforts are neutralised. And it WILL win.
Your conscious mind knows nothing at all about these secret plans of sabotage and mayhem! It thinks that it is trying really hard to achieve the things it wants. It can't understand why things keep going wrong. It is amazed that every time it gets close to achieving a major goal, something always seems to go wrong at the last minute!
After trying for a few times and failing, the conscious mind will start calling "FOUL!" and begin blaming external agencies for its downfall. You will start complaining about "bad luck" and "everyone being against you"; eventually you will reach the rational conclusion that there is no point in trying any more!
Then you will give up.
In fact the conscious mind was right. A foul was being committed, but it came from a member of its own team! Instead of looking outside for the offender, the conscious mind should have been looking inside!
Handsomely Equipped to Fail
I know a man who, outwardly, is a very successful businessman and a brilliant salesman. I worked with this man for many years and I always admired his enthusiasm and dedication to his business. He worked really hard - sometimes twelve hours a day and most weekends. This man was going places.
Outwardly he appeared to believe in himself and what he was doing. He knew that he wanted to be a millionaire and to run a large, successful company; and he knew how to get there.
I'll be honest with you and tell you that I wanted to be like this man; he seemed so sure of himself and where he was going.
I'm only glad now that I didn't follow too closely in his footsteps!
The first disaster came after I had known him for only a year. His business suffered a terrible setback and nearly went bust, resulting in him having to work even harder in order to save the company. I felt really sorry for his 'bad luck', but also somewhat puzzled about how the disaster could have happened in the first place. It seemed to me that he had made a number of fundamental business mistakes.
Then other 'accidents' started to happen. Some time after he had saved the business, things started to look really good for him. His enthusiasm increased and he redoubled his efforts to make a success of it. All the ingredients were there and the business started to take off.
But whoops! Disaster struck again, and knocked him back down to a level lower than he had initially started from.
This cycle happened at least five times, and it became obvious to me that this was not a coincidence! No-one could have so much bad luck; it had to be sabotage! I watched the man carefully during all of this, and began to notice how he was subconsciously sabotaging himself to ensure failure.
That's right! He was ensuring his own failure! Why? Because although consciously he was trying really hard for success, subconsciously he didn't believe that he was worth it, and so consequently his subconscious took the necessary steps to ensure that he failed! This man did not have a Positive Self Image.
I watched him trying to sell a large order, at boardroom level, to a major Corporation; he was brilliant. The people liked him, they liked his company and his product; they were ready to sign an order worth tens of thousands of pounds. All he needed to do was to shut up!
Instead, to my horror, he carried on selling! He started inventing wilder and wilder reasons why they should give him the business, (they were ready to anyway). He went on and on and on...
At first, the gathered executives started to look bored, then incredulous. One or two even suppressed a laugh. In short, he had blown the deal and turned a certain order into a disaster.
Furthermore, he could not seem to understand what he had done wrong!
At another sales-pitch, I watched him sell over one hundred thousand pound's worth of equipment to a major U.K. company. This equipment was to be distributed to every office of the company and would help them to increase sales. Again, he had closed the deal and they were ready to sign, but at this point he introduced his 'master plan which, he explained to the assembled buyers, was one further reason why they should buy from him.
This 'master plan consisted of a method of servicing the equipment, (located all over the country), at a low cost to the client.
His proposal? To use senior citizens to do the servicing, because, he explained, they had plenty of spare time and could make use of cheap rail concessions to travel to service calls at half price!
The assembled audience went very quiet, waiting for the punch-line - which never came. It gradually dawned on them that he was serious, and a few embarrassed coughs signalled the loss of another large order.
I haven't seen this man for several years, but the last I heard he had lost his house and practically everything he owned.
To this day, I'm sure that he still has no idea at all why he failed.
He's probably starting another company right now, and hoping that he has better 'luck'.
Digging Holes
I have told you about this man in some detail because I want you to understand that it is not enough just to say that you believe in yourself; you must really believe in yourself.
It is not enough to work really hard towards your goals. As you have seen from my story, hard work brought my friend nothing but disaster.
To give a silly example: You could work hard all week long digging a large hole in the ground, then work hard all the following week filling it in again! You would have put two weeks of solid effort into something and achieved nothing!
Most people spend a lot of their lives digging holes and filling them in again.
As I said right at the beginning of this chapter, the actual work associated with achieving your goals represents only twenty-five percent of the task. Believing in yourself, believing that you are worth it, represents over 50% of the task. That is why I am dwelling on this important subject. If you do not truly believe that you are worth it, all your hard work will come to nothing. You will be like my friend, working hard, day after day, trying, striving and sweating towards your goals, when all along, your subconscious mind is assuring your failure.
No amount of effort on your part will assure your success. Not even luck will work. If your Great-Aunt Aggie left you a fortune, and yet you didn't believe that you were worth leaving it to, then within a short while it would be gone, slipping away through your fingers, frittered away on useless schemes and ideas.
Two Types of Belief
I have talked a little bit about one type of belief, the belief in your fundamental worth as a human being, the belief that you deserve all the things you are striving for. This type of belief stems from having a Positive Self Image.
I have called this type of belief PSI-belief, (Positive Self Image Belief). It is the single most important factor in achieving success and MUST be obtained before you can succeed.
Later, I'll show you how to increase your PSI-belief to a point where you can achieve all of your dreams and ambitions.
The other type of belief is your belief in your ABILITY to achieve your goals. This type of belief is easier to get than PSI-belief, but it is an equally important ingredient of your success equation.
I call this belief I-CAN belief.
Both PSI and I-CAN are ESSENTIAL before you can succeed.
Both of these beliefs must be in place before you can start seriously working towards your major life-goals.
These two beliefs are quite distinct and separate from one another. The first is much more important than the second, and far harder to obtain; but I repeat that BOTH must be obtained before you can succeed.
My friend in the story was lacking in PSI-belief but he did have I-CAN belief. His lack of PSI meant that he did not believe that he deserved to succeed; he didn't think that he was worth it.
I-CAN is your belief in your ability to achieve something.
Whilst it rests upon the foundation of PSI it is a more intellectual and rational belief.
Interestingly enough, my friend was not lacking in this second type of belief; he genuinely, (and correctly), believed in his sales ability. But he was severely lacking in PSI-belief, so whilst he knew what he wanted, and believed in his ability to get it, he didn't believe that he was worth it - so he failed.
Because this is such an important point, I want to summarise what I have just said:
PSI-belief is concerned with how you feel inside about yourself. It is about having a Positive Self Image; knowing that you deserve more, that you are worth it.
I-CAN belief is concerned with convincing yourself that you are ABLE to achieve your goals.
I want you to clearly understand the difference between these two types of belief, so let me give you an example which will help you:
Mary, David and Sue have always longed to go on a skiing holiday. Mary is lacking in both PSI and I-CAN belief. Let's hear what she has to say:
MARY: "I would love to go on a skiing holiday but I have so much to do at home, there's the dog to feed as well, and it would be selfish of me to take a break whilst the children are so young. Anyway, I'm really clumsy; I'd never get the hang of it.”
TRANSLATION: "My needs are less important than a dog's and I couldn't do it anyway."
David is lacking in PSI-belief: Let's listen to him:
DAVID: "Skiing is for rich people, not for the likes of us. Pity really because I'm sure I would be good at it."
TRANSLATION: "I'm a second class citizen and I'm going to make sure that I stay that way. I don't doubt my abilities though."
Sue is lacking in I-CAN belief. Here's what she might say:
SUE: "A holiday is a really great idea. I deserve a break after the year I've just had. The children can go to my Mother's, she'd love to have them and the change would do them good. Does it have to be skiing though? You have to be really athletic and muscular don't you?"
TRANSLATION: "I feel good about myself inside and know that I am worth this break. However, I have doubts about my abilities, and I'm a bit scared of this unknown challenge."
These examples should help you to understand how different the two beliefs are.
I am now going to tell you something which you might find surprising: PSI-belief is to do with FEELINGS and EMOTIONS about yourself, and is not easily improved by logical argument, whereas I-CAN belief is more rational, and is open to logical argument.
This becomes obvious when we look at our erstwhile skiing friends.
No amount of rational, logical argument about how easy it is to ski, how cheap the kennels are, or how much the children might enjoy her being away, will convince MARY to go on this holiday.
Why? Because she doesn't think she is worth it! All this talk of dogs and children is just a smoke screen to give her an excuse for not going.
If I did try to convince her, the conversation would go something like this:
ME: "Mary, why don't you take this break, you deserve it!"
MARY: "But who would look after the dog?"
ME: "There are plenty of excellent kennels close by, but if you don't fancy them then I could look after it for you."
MARY: "Thanks; but it's not just the dog. Don't forget I'm a Mother and have certain responsibilities to my children. I can't just get up and leave them."
ME: "Sure you can! They're old enough now, and you've told me many times that your Mother would love to have them."
MARY: "That's true, but I couldn't really afford to go. There are so many other things I should spend my money on, like clothes for the children."
ME: "Why not spend it on yourself just this once?"
MARY: "Anyway, I couldn't leave the house empty for all that time, there are lots of burglaries around here."
And on and on and on! One excuse after another. Do you see what I mean? Mary's practical problems are purely incidental to the central message which runs through her every sentence. This message is: "I'm not worth it. I should spend money on other people not me. I don't deserve a holiday."
Do you see that no amount of rational talking or explanation can help Mary?
SUE, however, is a different proposition. She has a fundamentally Positive Self Image; all she needs is a little convincing and reassurance. I could probably persuade her to go if I told her about the easy slopes, the beginner's classes, and the fact that there would be dozens of people just like her. In other words, by presenting a rational argument, I stand a good chance of boosting Sue's I-CAN belief.
A talk with Sue might go something like this:
SUE: "I've never been skiing before, I couldn't do it. Surelyyou have to be really fit?"
ME: "Nonsense! Most of the people going won't have been before. There are beginner's classes and excellent training."
SUE: "I'm too old though. They're all youngsters aren't they?"
ME: "Are you joking? Last time I went there were three people over sixty who were there for the first time!"
SUE: "I'd be scared of hurtling down those long slopes like you see on the television."
ME: (Laughing), "You only get to go on those slopes when you're good and ready. You'll be starting out on the flat!"
SUE: "Really? Perhaps it would be fun after all."
A little more rational argument and Sue might be willing to go.
Notice the difference between Mary's message and Sue's message:
MARY IS SAYING "I'm not worth it."
SUE IS SAYING "I can't do that."
These are very different statements.
Notice also, how I was able to persuade Sue by rational argument? A lot of the actual text of this book is designed to do just that; increase your belief in your abilities (I- CAN) by presenting you with a reasoned argument.
Increasing your belief in your own worth (PSI), is a far more difficult proposition, because, as I have said, it is not amenable to rational argument. No amount of reasonable, logical argument on my part will increase your feeling of self-worth by one jot.
But because it is VITAL that you have a Positive Self Image, a large part of the method is devoted to increasing your belief in your self-worth.
Do you remember at the start of this chapter I asked you to take a little time over asking yourself the question, "Do I deserve a larger house?" This is because I knew that PSI-belief was not easily approached by such intellectual questions. PSI-belief is lodged so firmly in the subconscious mind, that I asked you to IMAGINE being in your new home.
The coins of the subconscious mind are IMAGES, just as the coins of the conscious or rational mind are THOUGHTS.
How to Tell if You Have a Negative Self Image
If, like my friend, you have a Negative Self Image which is impeding your progress, then it MUST be corrected before you have any chance at all of succeeding.
Correcting this NSI represents the fundamental foundation of my method. Without it you are wasting your time trying to achieve any of your life-goals. With a nasty NSI lurking in your subconscious, your very best efforts are doomed to failure.
I will show you how to eradicate this NSI later in the book, after you have completed an interesting quiz which determines the level of your NSI; but it is important that you realise the difference between PSI-belief and I-CAN belief at this stage.
The actual level of your PSI-belief will determine the amount of time you have to spend improving it. All readers will have to spend SOME time on this vital area.
Because all this talk about conscious and subconscious minds can be confusing, let me summarise this chapter briefly:
PSI-Belief reflects how you FEEL about yourself deep down inside.
It is about your level of self-worth. PSI-belief CANNOT be improved by rational argument, reading books, or discussion. It CAN be improved by the type of exercise given later in this book. You MUST have a Positive Self Image if you are to succeed - you must believe that YOU ARE WORTH all the good things in life, you must believe that YOU DESERVE IT. Without this belief you will fail.
I-CAN belief reflects how capable you think you are on a 'nuts and bolts' level. It concerns how you THINK about your abilities and what you BELIEVE is possible or not possible for you. It is largely a learned response and is heavily determined by your upbringing and schooling.
An example of this is the message: "Women don't become engineers," which effectively prevents all but the most determined women from becoming engineers.
When you have PSI-belief and I-CAN belief then you are HALF WAY to success. YES; HALF WAY!
This is the most difficult and challenging part of the method which I am sharing with you.
Formula For Success
We are now in a position to re-write our simple formula for success given at the start of the book:
Well, PSI and I-CAN added together make a giant 50% of the formula!
You are now well on your way to understanding why belief is so important to your success. Let us now examine PSI- belief in detail, and see how we can improve it.
  • Extracted from the book 'The Midas Method' by Stuart Goldsmith
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